Ok. I'll admit that I was probably in my teens the last time I went to a museum. Sadly, it's true. Is it that I don't enjoy museums? Not at all! Quite the opposite, really. Here's the thing: I'm afraid they'll find me out. Somehow they'll be able to tell I don't belong there. That I can't draw and neither can I recognize any famous artist, art style, eras, techniques, etc. Then I'll just be standing there telling Charlie how the Matisse painting looks like an 8 year old drew it and they'll bust through the doors, knock me to the floor, and drag me out, disgracefully, in handcuffs designed by Dali. [And I bet THOSE would hurt!}
Of course, that has yet to happen, but I'm always looking over my shoulder nontheless. I'm on to you, art police...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Impetus vs. Inspiration
Do you think that sometimes complacency is the reason for unhappiness? I have this thing where I can adapt to any situation and come out happy for the most part. When I was younger that was a great survival technique [Charlie, am I starting to sound like Dr. Rey?] but now it seems more like a fault. Acceptance is not always the key.
for instance: my job. I haven't liked my job for some time now, and it has started to erode at both my confidence and my core sense of happiness. Isn't that profound? When you don't like what you do for 40 hours a week it eats at your soul a little bit.
But, honestly, I'm a little scared of change. I have some vast amount of responsibility and a null amount of savings and just jumping out there into a new job seems to be a little terrifying.
So, instead, I have just been treading water. Me. Treading water. I used to yell at people for that.
I have felt indebted to my job because they let me work there through pregnancy and it's my first job out of college. Technically, I've been working there since I was 19.
Lately, though, I have found my impetus. Or maybe my impeti. [I'm not sure the plural form of that...]
Moving right along, I had a meeting with my boss on Friday that was absurd and would have had me in a state of depression for the whole weekend if I hadn't been suction cupped to Charlie's side on Saturday and Sunday. And for a few minutes on Monday. Thanks for being my serotonin, baby.
I was chastised both for reasons I deserved and reasons I didn't. And my parenting skill were called into question in front of another employee. Of course there's more to the story, but that's the gist of it.
Charlie, also is a reason. [No pressure.] It makes such a difference to know you have someone there to hold your had as you step off into the unknown. Somehow holding my hand is helping me develop a spine. Anatomy is wild like that sometimes.
So, I think I'm looking for another job. Any suggestions?
for instance: my job. I haven't liked my job for some time now, and it has started to erode at both my confidence and my core sense of happiness. Isn't that profound? When you don't like what you do for 40 hours a week it eats at your soul a little bit.
But, honestly, I'm a little scared of change. I have some vast amount of responsibility and a null amount of savings and just jumping out there into a new job seems to be a little terrifying.
So, instead, I have just been treading water. Me. Treading water. I used to yell at people for that.
I have felt indebted to my job because they let me work there through pregnancy and it's my first job out of college. Technically, I've been working there since I was 19.
Lately, though, I have found my impetus. Or maybe my impeti. [I'm not sure the plural form of that...]
Moving right along, I had a meeting with my boss on Friday that was absurd and would have had me in a state of depression for the whole weekend if I hadn't been suction cupped to Charlie's side on Saturday and Sunday. And for a few minutes on Monday. Thanks for being my serotonin, baby.
I was chastised both for reasons I deserved and reasons I didn't. And my parenting skill were called into question in front of another employee. Of course there's more to the story, but that's the gist of it.
Charlie, also is a reason. [No pressure.] It makes such a difference to know you have someone there to hold your had as you step off into the unknown. Somehow holding my hand is helping me develop a spine. Anatomy is wild like that sometimes.
So, I think I'm looking for another job. Any suggestions?
Friday, March 7, 2008
But what's he building in there?
Ok. I have had a rotten day for a variety of reasons, some of which include bad hair, a dental visit, and a threat of termination from my job. I came home, put Max to bed and decided to soak my day away in the tub. Charlie recommended this fabulous music station known as Pandora.com that I have listened to incessently for the last three days. I plugged my computer into the outlet above the sink, turned on the wonderful music and sank deep into the warm consoling water.
Please explain to me why the second song on the randomized play list was a Contemporary Christian song about giving your heart to god.
My wonderful Pandora has betrayed me and somehow my music selection makes them think I love Jesus. I guess no one told them we broke up.
Luckily, sound doesn't travel well through water so I sunk my head under like an alligator in a bog until the praising was over.
PS, my toe hurts a lot in hot water. Avoid. Pedicures.
Please explain to me why the second song on the randomized play list was a Contemporary Christian song about giving your heart to god.
My wonderful Pandora has betrayed me and somehow my music selection makes them think I love Jesus. I guess no one told them we broke up.
Luckily, sound doesn't travel well through water so I sunk my head under like an alligator in a bog until the praising was over.
PS, my toe hurts a lot in hot water. Avoid. Pedicures.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Snowdrifts
I have figured out how to make cold weather bearable.
Option #1: Layers, winter gear, and snow boots
Option #2: Charlie
Option #1: Layers, winter gear, and snow boots
Option #2: Charlie
Thursday, February 21, 2008
False Advertising/False Hope
Anna and I went to the "sit through our presentation get a free vacation!" thing last night. I did get some neat free gifts and my "free" vacation costs air fare plus $200, but we caught Chester the Presenter in a lie!
First of all, let me set the scene. All engaged couples plus me and Anna. Waterless pots and pans, fine china, cutlery and crystal stemware. Really loud contemporary christian music playing from a boombox in the corner. And, I swear, the guy's name actually was Chester.
For the whole set of pots and pans, plus the free gift of 4 pieces of stemware plus four pieces of fine china your walk out cost would be 2785 or something ungodly like that. But he almost had me. I really wanted to cook my vegetables in one teaspoon of water and have them more colorful and more nutritious.
Then he held up a pair of kitchen scissors and said that they would not only cut through a penny, but could also cut a raw chicken into pieces. WOW!!
So, Anna and I took the scissors, took a penny and....couldn't cut it.
The moral? Never trust anyone who loudly plays contemporary christian music on the sly.
First of all, let me set the scene. All engaged couples plus me and Anna. Waterless pots and pans, fine china, cutlery and crystal stemware. Really loud contemporary christian music playing from a boombox in the corner. And, I swear, the guy's name actually was Chester.
For the whole set of pots and pans, plus the free gift of 4 pieces of stemware plus four pieces of fine china your walk out cost would be 2785 or something ungodly like that. But he almost had me. I really wanted to cook my vegetables in one teaspoon of water and have them more colorful and more nutritious.
Then he held up a pair of kitchen scissors and said that they would not only cut through a penny, but could also cut a raw chicken into pieces. WOW!!
So, Anna and I took the scissors, took a penny and....couldn't cut it.
The moral? Never trust anyone who loudly plays contemporary christian music on the sly.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Cupid VS Street Cred
The hardest part about being in a relationship with someone who is consistently amazing is that it's kind of tough when Valentine's Day rolls around. I feel like special things are done for me every single day to show how much he cares and how important I am to him. When I see the 'above and beyond' every day Valentine's Day seems somewhat insignificant.
That is until I get surprised with flowers at work, attack the man delivering them, and then bawl in front of several people for a good five minutes.
Thank you, Valentine. Not just for today/yesterday/this weekend, but for all the things you do that make me feel like we've figured out one of the great secrets to happiness.
I love you. It's unhealthy and it's phenomenal and I'm excited for each day in the rest of our lives.
That is until I get surprised with flowers at work, attack the man delivering them, and then bawl in front of several people for a good five minutes.
Thank you, Valentine. Not just for today/yesterday/this weekend, but for all the things you do that make me feel like we've figured out one of the great secrets to happiness.
I love you. It's unhealthy and it's phenomenal and I'm excited for each day in the rest of our lives.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Snow Days
I have figured out the root of all my winter laziness.
Alas, it is the days of yore when there was a such thing as a snow day.
Every time it snows I start watching the news for this:
Clayton School District: Closed
Central States Thermo King: Closed
As if Allen wakes up in the morning, tests the roads, calls News Channel 5 and reports that we'll be off work.
Today I got a phone call from Dale Carnegie staffmember. Guess what they said? CLOSED.
Somehow, I felt justified. As if something I have yearned for for the last three years finally came to be.
How fabulous.
Alas, it is the days of yore when there was a such thing as a snow day.
Every time it snows I start watching the news for this:
Clayton School District: Closed
Central States Thermo King: Closed
As if Allen wakes up in the morning, tests the roads, calls News Channel 5 and reports that we'll be off work.
Today I got a phone call from Dale Carnegie staffmember. Guess what they said? CLOSED.
Somehow, I felt justified. As if something I have yearned for for the last three years finally came to be.
How fabulous.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Night Terrors
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's amazing how fast I can move for being completely asleep. I think I jumped out of bed so fast and with such ferocity that my feet didn't even hit the floor until I was to the door of my room.
Max woke me up after midnight screaming my name amid tears. I sprinted in record time from my room to his, screaching to a halt in front of his door so I could make a calming, quiet entrance and ease his fears. I creapt in whispering, "Hi honey. Shhh, you're ok. What's wrong?"
I was surprised to see that he was still in bed. From the blood curdling terror in his voice I figured he had plummeted the foot and a half from his bed to the floor.
"Mommy" he sobbed as my hand (still shaking from the middle-of-the-night-adrenalin) reached out to touch his hair, "I can't find Lightening."
Thank you, Doc, for getting us the cars from the Cars movie. Max really loves them.
It's amazing how fast I can move for being completely asleep. I think I jumped out of bed so fast and with such ferocity that my feet didn't even hit the floor until I was to the door of my room.
Max woke me up after midnight screaming my name amid tears. I sprinted in record time from my room to his, screaching to a halt in front of his door so I could make a calming, quiet entrance and ease his fears. I creapt in whispering, "Hi honey. Shhh, you're ok. What's wrong?"
I was surprised to see that he was still in bed. From the blood curdling terror in his voice I figured he had plummeted the foot and a half from his bed to the floor.
"Mommy" he sobbed as my hand (still shaking from the middle-of-the-night-adrenalin) reached out to touch his hair, "I can't find Lightening."
Thank you, Doc, for getting us the cars from the Cars movie. Max really loves them.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Dreaming while awake
I imagine that my dreams are much like listening to Max talk himself to sleep. His monologue has gone something like this tonight:
"Dig Dig Digging! I ain't no Mack!! I'm a schomdfoe. FOUR FINGERS! One. Two Sree, five, FOUR FINGERS!!! I ain't no Mack! Just nuggle one more minute. Hi snowman! lalalalalaaaaaaaaa ayeyayayayayaya"
Please forgive all my harsh blogs before now. He was a perfect child today and I feel guilty for being so upset with him the last few weeks.
I learned how heavy 30 pounds can be because he fell asleep as I found a parking spot in walmart. Oddly enough, I was there to buy a work out video. Twice around the store with a sleeping teddy bear made my arms hurt so badly that picking up the phone still causes them to shake. Who needs Tae Bo when you have Tired Bear?
[PS, I love pop ins. They make me feel like a grown up with great friends. Thanks for coming by, Cari. I loved it!]
"Dig Dig Digging! I ain't no Mack!! I'm a schomdfoe. FOUR FINGERS! One. Two Sree, five, FOUR FINGERS!!! I ain't no Mack! Just nuggle one more minute. Hi snowman! lalalalalaaaaaaaaa ayeyayayayayaya"
Please forgive all my harsh blogs before now. He was a perfect child today and I feel guilty for being so upset with him the last few weeks.
I learned how heavy 30 pounds can be because he fell asleep as I found a parking spot in walmart. Oddly enough, I was there to buy a work out video. Twice around the store with a sleeping teddy bear made my arms hurt so badly that picking up the phone still causes them to shake. Who needs Tae Bo when you have Tired Bear?
[PS, I love pop ins. They make me feel like a grown up with great friends. Thanks for coming by, Cari. I loved it!]
Cari, Chocoalte Rain, Mayer
Thank you Cari for posting the Chocolate Rain videos!
The first time I heard that I sang it so often that Max started singing it, which might have been funnier. He didn't step away from the mic to breath, though.
It was during the time of free cable and then Anna and I heard JOHN MAYER sing it. (God I love John Mayer.)
John Mayer also sings on the Cars movie.
See the connection? No? Me, neither. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Go look at Cari's blog for the Chocolate Rain goodness.
I need to get a video camera. I have a feeling Max could be a YouTube celebrity...
The first time I heard that I sang it so often that Max started singing it, which might have been funnier. He didn't step away from the mic to breath, though.
It was during the time of free cable and then Anna and I heard JOHN MAYER sing it. (God I love John Mayer.)
John Mayer also sings on the Cars movie.
See the connection? No? Me, neither. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Go look at Cari's blog for the Chocolate Rain goodness.
I need to get a video camera. I have a feeling Max could be a YouTube celebrity...
Friday, January 25, 2008
Flying Shoes
Thomas the Train. Who knew he could fly?
I learned that today as his image, imprinted on the side of Max's shoe, whizzed by my head from the back seat, closely followed by the next.
Closely followed by me locking my keys in my car.
Closely followed by my big toes getting frost bite.
Closely followed by tears in the lobby of the KinderCare.
Closely followed by a need for Starbucks. Closely followed by the itch to save money, closely followed by hot tea at home, closely followed by writing in a blog instead of working, closely followed by an exclamation of "THANK GOD IT'S NOT MONDAY."
Closely followed by a need for friends tonight. Ahhhhh, the terrible twos. When I'm 80 I'll look back on this and laugh...or just throw my shoes.
I learned that today as his image, imprinted on the side of Max's shoe, whizzed by my head from the back seat, closely followed by the next.
Closely followed by me locking my keys in my car.
Closely followed by my big toes getting frost bite.
Closely followed by tears in the lobby of the KinderCare.
Closely followed by a need for Starbucks. Closely followed by the itch to save money, closely followed by hot tea at home, closely followed by writing in a blog instead of working, closely followed by an exclamation of "THANK GOD IT'S NOT MONDAY."
Closely followed by a need for friends tonight. Ahhhhh, the terrible twos. When I'm 80 I'll look back on this and laugh...or just throw my shoes.
[Overflow from Myspace]
Ever heard the phrase "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down?"
I'd like to change it. How about, "A spoonful of medicine makes the Toddler's mom happy and nostalgic, and gives her peace of mind!" Not nearly as catchy, I suppose.
Max won't eat. He won't blow his nose. He won't put his coat on in the mornings. For some unholy reason he LOVES the Wiggles. (god, i hate the wiggles.)
However, he WILL take his medicine. What a great feeling to just hand him the little thimble of Children's Tylenol and have him slurp it down like fever reducing nectar from heaven. Then he falls asleep on my lap watching Cars. While I listen to him gurgle air through his nose and feel warm snot on my leg I think of ways to make blowing a nose exciting. Rowdy snot exuberance and promising a peek into the the tissue is failing me.
What isn't failling me is how great a nuggle with a sleepy, sick, mean two year old can feel and how a tiny giant yawn can make you forgive all and hope for even more.
I'd like to change it. How about, "A spoonful of medicine makes the Toddler's mom happy and nostalgic, and gives her peace of mind!" Not nearly as catchy, I suppose.
Max won't eat. He won't blow his nose. He won't put his coat on in the mornings. For some unholy reason he LOVES the Wiggles. (god, i hate the wiggles.)
However, he WILL take his medicine. What a great feeling to just hand him the little thimble of Children's Tylenol and have him slurp it down like fever reducing nectar from heaven. Then he falls asleep on my lap watching Cars. While I listen to him gurgle air through his nose and feel warm snot on my leg I think of ways to make blowing a nose exciting. Rowdy snot exuberance and promising a peek into the the tissue is failing me.
What isn't failling me is how great a nuggle with a sleepy, sick, mean two year old can feel and how a tiny giant yawn can make you forgive all and hope for even more.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Better than an Irish Millionaire
I'm not sure I get the hang of this blog thing yet. I'm used to journals being private. Isn't this a little narcissitic, even if I don't know how to spell it?
Anyway, I just had the (eh hem) Most Fabulous Weekend Ever!!
Could someone blow a trumpet please?
You know how you kind of hope for something your entire life and then give up on it one day?Write it off as fantasy and disney movies.
Whooosh! Flash back to first person. Forgive my tendancy to type like a preacher.
Two months sounds like such a short amount of time, doesn't it? It's amazing the ways my eyes have been opened. Both to things that I do wrong and how amazing the things Charlie does right can be. Like how a surprise cup of Starbucks coffee with a well-wishing note can make your cheek muscles ache from smiling for 7 hours straight.
And now to Charlie. I haven't told you about this blog yet. For some reason I'd like you to stumble on it by accident and get to catch up on my thoughts these days.
Thank you for the dinners, snuggles, and losing count. There aren't many places I'd rather be than with you and despite the negative 15 degree windchill, I felt like I was at a resort on vacation.
I love you. I already think of you as my better half. Especially when you look like you did Saturday night. :)
Anyway, I just had the (eh hem) Most Fabulous Weekend Ever!!
Could someone blow a trumpet please?
You know how you kind of hope for something your entire life and then give up on it one day?Write it off as fantasy and disney movies.
Whooosh! Flash back to first person. Forgive my tendancy to type like a preacher.
Two months sounds like such a short amount of time, doesn't it? It's amazing the ways my eyes have been opened. Both to things that I do wrong and how amazing the things Charlie does right can be. Like how a surprise cup of Starbucks coffee with a well-wishing note can make your cheek muscles ache from smiling for 7 hours straight.
And now to Charlie. I haven't told you about this blog yet. For some reason I'd like you to stumble on it by accident and get to catch up on my thoughts these days.
Thank you for the dinners, snuggles, and losing count. There aren't many places I'd rather be than with you and despite the negative 15 degree windchill, I felt like I was at a resort on vacation.
I love you. I already think of you as my better half. Especially when you look like you did Saturday night. :)
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ouch
I am a raging lunatic.
Miss Amanda brought in the Cars movie today for Max to watch.
and she let him cradle it like a teddy bear and run around day care gloating.
Sorry for my harsh words, Miss Amanda. You can call me commercialized anytime you want.
Miss Amanda brought in the Cars movie today for Max to watch.
and she let him cradle it like a teddy bear and run around day care gloating.
Sorry for my harsh words, Miss Amanda. You can call me commercialized anytime you want.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Commercialized Coffee
Can my first blog entry really be a rant?
Absolutely.
Are you ever surprised by the things people choose to say out loud? Ah, that's not quite right. Let me try that again. Are you ever surprised by the way the things people say out loud affect you?
For example, today Max and I made it out the door without tears! How did I accomplish this feat, you ask? Thomas the Train shoes, Elmo Jeans, a Bob the Builder Shirt, and a Lightening McQueen jacket. That's right, every single article of clothing Max had on (even his Mickey Mouse socks and sesame street diaper) made him happy today.
I'll back up for a second. Max is 2. Have you ever heard that phrase "terrible two's?" It's accurate. Somehow my perfect cherub of a baby...funny, smart, adorable, has morphed into a funny, smart, adorable, mean, mood swinging, bossy two year old. I hear it happens to us all. Somehow I thought we would be exempt.
Most every morning is a fight which leaves me exhausted and guilt ridden wondering if I'm cut out for parenting at all. Max is in tears and I am awfully close by the time we hit the front door.
Not today. Today we had a great morning. I was even proud of my parenting skills. We listened to "row row row the boat" in the car and Max even gave me permission to sing along.
Uhh, but I was late for work. Row Row Row am I going to get in trouble today. I can't believe I overslept that much. my new years resolutions aren't working at all. god, i have to clean my house when i get home tonight. I have to figure out a way to make it to the gym. i don't look very professional today. i really want some coffee but jeez i need to stop spending so much money on useless stuff. how am i going to afford london? Your boat, gently down the stream!
"Mommy, I don't want to go see Miss Amanda."
"Oh, midget, she's going to love your Lightening Jacket!! You have to show her!"
"I'll show her my lightening jacket" said with a jubilant smile!
yes!!! he's not going to cry when i drop him off today because he'll be excited about miss amanda looking at his jacket. i'll let him wear that every day if it makes his mornings happier. i'm so glad he likes that movie. i wonder when micah is going to call me again? i wish he would just go away. i haven't paid tuition yet this week. ugh, or the gas bill. or my house taxes. i hope my student loan automatic withdrawal doesn't bounce. when does that come out again. oh my god, some idiot blocks this lane of traffic everyday!!!!!!!
OK Max, we're hear. We have to leave your gold fish in the car.
"nooooooooooooooo, i want my gold fish!!!"
Hear come the tears.
Max, max, max, we have to leave your goldfish here! They'll be waiting for us when we come home tonight.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa goldfish!!!!!
it's so cold outside, I wonder if those tears are going to chap his face? he already has eczema. please stop crying, please stop crying max. i want you to have a good day and you're breaking my heart.
Hey max, we have to show miss amanda how cool your lightening jacket is!!
At this he looks down at his jacket and frantically claws at himself until he lands on -gasp!- Lightening McQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm gonna show Miss Amanda" again with a gleeful laugh.
We walk in the day care, i drop the check off i hope they don't cash this until tomorrow. i really need to start balancing my checkbook so i know how much money i have. i wonder if they hate me because i'm always late and i never pay the 25 dollar late fee? god, max smells like a dog today because his coat was on the floor and it smells like Tut. i wonder if they thing i'm dirty. i really have to wash clothes tonight when we get home, and walk down the isle to Max's classroom.
Setting him down, he starts to jog in place and cry before his feet even touch the ground.
Max, we have to show miss amanda our lightening jacket!!!!
Miss Amanda walks up, Max points exuberantly to Lightening and Miss Amanda says....
"wow max, lightening mcqueen. You're so commercialized." and then gives me a pointed glance.
I think I forgot to move for a second. you're so commercialized? what the hell does that mean? I'm a bad mom because i let max pick out his shoes over the weekend, and i put him in clothes that excite him? i'd cry every day too if you were my teacher. but is he too commercialized? am i spoiling him? maybe we don't read enough. we'll read a book tonight when we go home. i should read more to him. what if he grows up and doesn't like to read. id hate that. ok, so i have to work late because i'm so late this morning. Bye sweetheart! I'll see you later today, I love you. Have a great day!! too commercialized? does he watch too many movies? do i let the tv babysit him? tonight i should come up with some kind of project for us to do instead of letting him watch the car movie. oh, and after he goes to sleep i'll do laundry and clean the house. oh, and i'll have to finish some work...
Anyway, you get the idea. It wasn't just that Max was excited about the jacket. WE were excited about the jacket. I found a way to trick him into being excited to go see Miss Amanda and she said we were too commercialized.
Another of my favorites comes from my pregnancy. One. Caffeinated. Beverage. Daily.
That's what the beastmeister told me. And I lived by it religiously. Coffee in the morning? A soda at lunch? Tea after dinner? What do I want today? Especially when working at Central States AND Wendy's. Manual labor and standing all day pretty much sucks during pregnancy.
Let's set the scene. I'm pregnant. I'm tired. I have to work my second job after I get off from my real job. It's the morning. I don't want to spend any money because I'm saving for the baby, but, oh my goodness, I just found 1.00 in change in my car!!!!!!!!!!! Ohh, i'm going to go to quick trip and get a coffee. Mmmm, i haven't had coffee in a while. That's my caffeine for the day. I'm soo excited.
I stand in front of the coffee machine and look at all the glorious options that can be purchased with my alero treasure hunt fund. I think I might of smiled to myself imaging how great the coffee would taste. Mmm, hazelnut. That's the one. Careful to not let my belly rub against the counter and land in any coffee I make my cup, add my creamer and put it up to my face to smell it. Behind me a wonderful Quick Trip employee comes up to clean the beverage station. I love quick trip employees. They are so nice and just intelligent compared to other gas station attendants. They usually seem to like their jobs and the genuinely want to "see you next time."
"how are you doing today?" she asked me.
Oh I'm great, how are you?
"Good. Hope you're thinking of how that baby's gonna be doing after you drink that coffee."
And then she was gone.
And my coffee bliss just crashed to the grounds.
she didn't know I had to work two jobs because I knew I was a single mom.
She didn't know I ate super healthy and saved money in a way I'd never thought I would have been able to.
she didn't know I apologized to my baby on Sunday nights because I felt so terrible that I was single.
She didn't know I read him "Moo Baa La La La" and "Max Makes Millions" so often that I can STILL recite them from heart.
She didn't know I had read "What to expect the first year" already and was wondering how in the world I was going to do this mom thing.
She didn't know that I only drank one caffeinated beverage a day, and my doctor told me I could.
she didn't know that my hands shook as I left quick trip that day, and I've never been back to that particular store again.
What's my point? So what if I'm commercialized and I crave caffeine. Even more so, why do I care that the quick trip lady was trying to be nice to my baby and that miss amanda probably didn't mean a thing by it? These things weren't said with malicious intent, or any intent, really.
Perhaps the lesson is that I should mellow out a little?
Absolutely.
Are you ever surprised by the things people choose to say out loud? Ah, that's not quite right. Let me try that again. Are you ever surprised by the way the things people say out loud affect you?
For example, today Max and I made it out the door without tears! How did I accomplish this feat, you ask? Thomas the Train shoes, Elmo Jeans, a Bob the Builder Shirt, and a Lightening McQueen jacket. That's right, every single article of clothing Max had on (even his Mickey Mouse socks and sesame street diaper) made him happy today.
I'll back up for a second. Max is 2. Have you ever heard that phrase "terrible two's?" It's accurate. Somehow my perfect cherub of a baby...funny, smart, adorable, has morphed into a funny, smart, adorable, mean, mood swinging, bossy two year old. I hear it happens to us all. Somehow I thought we would be exempt.
Most every morning is a fight which leaves me exhausted and guilt ridden wondering if I'm cut out for parenting at all. Max is in tears and I am awfully close by the time we hit the front door.
Not today. Today we had a great morning. I was even proud of my parenting skills. We listened to "row row row the boat" in the car and Max even gave me permission to sing along.
Uhh, but I was late for work. Row Row Row am I going to get in trouble today. I can't believe I overslept that much. my new years resolutions aren't working at all. god, i have to clean my house when i get home tonight. I have to figure out a way to make it to the gym. i don't look very professional today. i really want some coffee but jeez i need to stop spending so much money on useless stuff. how am i going to afford london? Your boat, gently down the stream!
"Mommy, I don't want to go see Miss Amanda."
"Oh, midget, she's going to love your Lightening Jacket!! You have to show her!"
"I'll show her my lightening jacket" said with a jubilant smile!
yes!!! he's not going to cry when i drop him off today because he'll be excited about miss amanda looking at his jacket. i'll let him wear that every day if it makes his mornings happier. i'm so glad he likes that movie. i wonder when micah is going to call me again? i wish he would just go away. i haven't paid tuition yet this week. ugh, or the gas bill. or my house taxes. i hope my student loan automatic withdrawal doesn't bounce. when does that come out again. oh my god, some idiot blocks this lane of traffic everyday!!!!!!!
OK Max, we're hear. We have to leave your gold fish in the car.
"nooooooooooooooo, i want my gold fish!!!"
Hear come the tears.
Max, max, max, we have to leave your goldfish here! They'll be waiting for us when we come home tonight.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa goldfish!!!!!
it's so cold outside, I wonder if those tears are going to chap his face? he already has eczema. please stop crying, please stop crying max. i want you to have a good day and you're breaking my heart.
Hey max, we have to show miss amanda how cool your lightening jacket is!!
At this he looks down at his jacket and frantically claws at himself until he lands on -gasp!- Lightening McQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm gonna show Miss Amanda" again with a gleeful laugh.
We walk in the day care, i drop the check off i hope they don't cash this until tomorrow. i really need to start balancing my checkbook so i know how much money i have. i wonder if they hate me because i'm always late and i never pay the 25 dollar late fee? god, max smells like a dog today because his coat was on the floor and it smells like Tut. i wonder if they thing i'm dirty. i really have to wash clothes tonight when we get home, and walk down the isle to Max's classroom.
Setting him down, he starts to jog in place and cry before his feet even touch the ground.
Max, we have to show miss amanda our lightening jacket!!!!
Miss Amanda walks up, Max points exuberantly to Lightening and Miss Amanda says....
"wow max, lightening mcqueen. You're so commercialized." and then gives me a pointed glance.
I think I forgot to move for a second. you're so commercialized? what the hell does that mean? I'm a bad mom because i let max pick out his shoes over the weekend, and i put him in clothes that excite him? i'd cry every day too if you were my teacher. but is he too commercialized? am i spoiling him? maybe we don't read enough. we'll read a book tonight when we go home. i should read more to him. what if he grows up and doesn't like to read. id hate that. ok, so i have to work late because i'm so late this morning. Bye sweetheart! I'll see you later today, I love you. Have a great day!! too commercialized? does he watch too many movies? do i let the tv babysit him? tonight i should come up with some kind of project for us to do instead of letting him watch the car movie. oh, and after he goes to sleep i'll do laundry and clean the house. oh, and i'll have to finish some work...
Anyway, you get the idea. It wasn't just that Max was excited about the jacket. WE were excited about the jacket. I found a way to trick him into being excited to go see Miss Amanda and she said we were too commercialized.
Another of my favorites comes from my pregnancy. One. Caffeinated. Beverage. Daily.
That's what the beastmeister told me. And I lived by it religiously. Coffee in the morning? A soda at lunch? Tea after dinner? What do I want today? Especially when working at Central States AND Wendy's. Manual labor and standing all day pretty much sucks during pregnancy.
Let's set the scene. I'm pregnant. I'm tired. I have to work my second job after I get off from my real job. It's the morning. I don't want to spend any money because I'm saving for the baby, but, oh my goodness, I just found 1.00 in change in my car!!!!!!!!!!! Ohh, i'm going to go to quick trip and get a coffee. Mmmm, i haven't had coffee in a while. That's my caffeine for the day. I'm soo excited.
I stand in front of the coffee machine and look at all the glorious options that can be purchased with my alero treasure hunt fund. I think I might of smiled to myself imaging how great the coffee would taste. Mmm, hazelnut. That's the one. Careful to not let my belly rub against the counter and land in any coffee I make my cup, add my creamer and put it up to my face to smell it. Behind me a wonderful Quick Trip employee comes up to clean the beverage station. I love quick trip employees. They are so nice and just intelligent compared to other gas station attendants. They usually seem to like their jobs and the genuinely want to "see you next time."
"how are you doing today?" she asked me.
Oh I'm great, how are you?
"Good. Hope you're thinking of how that baby's gonna be doing after you drink that coffee."
And then she was gone.
And my coffee bliss just crashed to the grounds.
she didn't know I had to work two jobs because I knew I was a single mom.
She didn't know I ate super healthy and saved money in a way I'd never thought I would have been able to.
she didn't know I apologized to my baby on Sunday nights because I felt so terrible that I was single.
She didn't know I read him "Moo Baa La La La" and "Max Makes Millions" so often that I can STILL recite them from heart.
She didn't know I had read "What to expect the first year" already and was wondering how in the world I was going to do this mom thing.
She didn't know that I only drank one caffeinated beverage a day, and my doctor told me I could.
she didn't know that my hands shook as I left quick trip that day, and I've never been back to that particular store again.
What's my point? So what if I'm commercialized and I crave caffeine. Even more so, why do I care that the quick trip lady was trying to be nice to my baby and that miss amanda probably didn't mean a thing by it? These things weren't said with malicious intent, or any intent, really.
Perhaps the lesson is that I should mellow out a little?
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